Procreation is a process that is ordained by God; it is actualised, through the union of a man and a woman, usually on the platform of a marriage.
Marriage is consummated, by the coming together of spouses; for example, for the purpose of child-bearing. Child-bearing comes in different forms, such as single and multiple births. In this short write-up, I will tell you my views, as one that has experienced a multiple-birth, within a marriage.
I cannot downplay the hand of God, in the multiple-birth of two of my children. My spouse is seven years older than me. Both of us are Christians. Prayer being a key element of our faith, we requested, in prayer, that God should grant us twin-children. We had our first-born, a single birth, followed by a multiple-birth of two boys, two years, after.
A multiple-birth pregnancy occurs through the fertilisation of two eggs (ovaries) or when a single egg breaks into two. It is interesting to note that, when two eggs are fertilised, the resulting twins would have a placenta each; and might not look alike; if an egg is broken into two, it would be just one placenta; and the twins would look alike; and do things alike.
During the pregnancy of my twins, my mother noticed that my tummy was unusually big. She remarked that it was likely that I was going to have multiple children. She told me that I should be prepared to treat them, as different human beings. I noted her comment, with a required level of seriousness. At the age of four months, something happened, while my family and I were at lunch, on a Sunday. Suddenly, I started to feel uneasy. At a point, it became virtually impossible for me to move. Then, my husband got me, into our car, quickly; and took me to a hospital, where it was confirmed that I was pregnant with multiple foetuses. At that point, right from the pre-natal stage, my husband and I started taking care of the foetuses, as twins.
Furthermore, I started laying my hand on my tummy, to pray for the foetuses. Also, I had names ready for them. I prayed for them, using the names. I asked God to make them good children. I pronounced good things, into their lives. As a result, God started to show me great and useful things, about them. That is the reason we cannot do without God, in our lives and in the lives of our children.
All along, I did not forget what my mother had told me, that I would have a multiple-birth; and that I should be mindful of the fact that each of them would have his own nature and peculiarities. Therefore, I was mindful of not buying items, such as clothes of same colour, for them. Till date, my twin-sons see themselves as brothers, not necessarily as twins. They work, as individuals, rather than as twins.
As stated in the Holy Bible, one must do what is right, no matter how pleasant or bitter, in the bringing up of a child. Proverbs 13: 24: “Whoever spares the rod hates his or her children; but the one who loves his or her children is careful to discipline them.” Sometimes, disciplining a child does not involve physical punishment. Sometimes, discipline involves persistent correction of a child’s bad traits.
The following is an example of my personal experience. One day, many years ago, my twin-sons went to school, with their bags packed with all that they would need, at school. On their return, from school, I checked their bags; and found two rulers that were not theirs, in the bag of one of them. He could not tell me how he had come about the rulers. Therefore, I told him to walk, back to school; and return the rulers. He begged me, but I insisted that he should walk; back to school. However, while he went, back to school, I was praying, for his safety. He returned the rulers; and came back home. Thereafter, I gave him lunch. From that experience, my children learnt a lesson that one must not take what does not belong to one.
Furthermore, it is important to teach a child how to greet people, properly. For example, in my Yoruba culture, in addition to uttering some words of greeting, a male child is expected to prostrate; and a female child, to kneel.
Also, it is very important to teach our children how to dress decently. Indeed, both young and old should dress, properly. Clothes are meant to cover our bodies, particularly the private parts. Any mode of dressing that exposes the private parts of one’s body is not desirable; and children should be taught this. Our bodies are precious; and should be kept precious. In the Yoruba culture, when the weather is warm, our forefathers would wear a type of clothe that is called ‘ofi’ or ‘aso-oke’; and wear ‘adire’, when it is cold. With the passage of time, another type of material that is called ‘ankara’ became part of the dress culture. ‘Ankara’ is made in various beautiful styles that do not expose one’s body.
Food is another element of the Yoruba culture. Food is a very key part of any culture. There is an adage, that people are defined or known by what they eat. An aspect of life, while I was growing up in my family, under my parents, was the nature of our food. Usually, we would have tea, boiled eggs, bread and butter, for breakfast, which we all had, together at a table. However, later in life, as a mother of multiple-birth children, I embraced an element of the Yoruba culture that encourages the eating of beans and fruits. I would encourage anyone to ensure that beans and fruits are staple food, particularly for children.
Furthermore, language is another key element of one’s culture. Language is the carrier of a culture. For example, aspects of a culture, such greetings, should be taught to children, properly. That would inculcate the virtue to respectfulness, in them. Also, spouses should be worthy carriers or models of respectfulness, in their relationships. Usually, children speak the language of their parents. Children of spouses who use abusive language would grow up with the culture of being abusive.
In conclusion, so much depends on parents and their ways of life, in terms of how children learn; and use elements of the culture into which they are born. Wherever children are, within or outside their motherlands, it is crucial that they appreciate; and practise the culture in which they are brought up. A Yoruba adage states, as follows: ‘Eni so ile nu so apo-iya ko. ’(‘He that loses his home has hung the bag of suffering.’) Parents have to play the following roles: instruction, discipline, exhortation and education.
Mrs Modupe Banji shares her views on parenting of multiple birth children in a Christian Yoruba family.
(The subject matter of parenting, in general, will be the focus of my next write-up.)
